Fear and Trembling

Working out My Faith

Does God speak to me? It’s Undeniable… September 28, 2009

Filed under: lyrics — ashleyanncretella @ 1:17 pm

As I was getting ready for work this morning I was praying God would encourage me today.  Specifically, I asked He would play some song on the radio when I was driving in, that He would do it in some way that I couldn’t think it was me or coincidence etc.  I wanted to know it was Him.  I ran through a list of songs He could play… my playlist for Him…. kinda silly, I know. 

I called my sister on my drive; asking her to pray for me today.  Radio turned down.  As I hung up I start humming an old Mat Kearney song… dodo dooo doo da.. walk on, walk on… turn up the radio.. and “dodo dooo doo da.. walk on, walk on…”  It starts playing… the title of the song “Undeniable.”  This song wasn’t on my playlist- but seriously?!  I didn’t contrive this one, this one isn’t coincidence.

The people and the circumstances of the song are different from my own.  But the solution is the same…  “You’re the only one who caught the other line…the one I can’t  deny.”

It’s undeniable how brilliant you are
In an unreliable world you shine like a star
It’s unforgettable now that we’ve come this far
It’s unmistakable that you’re undeniable

February 5th, Friday morning, purple dawn
Broke a yawn, as a I stepped through the fog, like I stepped to a song
A moment like a poem, you wish you could hold it
I shut my eyes like it’s frozen, it’s gone when I open
It slipped passed the clouds right there where it lingered
Like your band and a girl could slip through your fingers
My feet hit the ground like a beat for the lonely
On a path beaten down by the crowds in the morning
If only I could touch past the phony
If only they were there now to hold me
As the questions keep droning

You’re the only one who stuck it out last night
The only other one who caught the other line
You’re the only one when this world collides
The one that I can’t deny

It’s undeniable how brilliant you are
In an unreliable world you shine like a star
It’s unforgettable now that we’ve come this far
It’s unmistakable that you’re undeniable

It’s my last year here
My first class moved to portable ‘a’
Under construction since summer
And it’s cold today
I can see my breath, and what’s left of the west parking lot
And all the spaces that we fought
And it all seems forgotten, left in the bottom
In past piles of rubble, in puddles of rain water
That hurt last night when I left like that
When I won’t come back
Speaking my peace to the past
I can’t help but wonder, who is this wind at my back
A whisper to walk on, come on from all that

It’s undeniable how brilliant you are
In an unreliable world you shine like a star
It’s unforgettable now that we’ve come this far
It’s unmistakable that you’re undeniable

How am I gonna take it away in this winter wind
You found me on a summer breeze
How am I gonna run away when the autumn breaks
Now that you found me in the spring
Come on and sing it out

It’s undeniable how brilliant you are
In an unreliable world you shine like a star
It’s unforgettable now that we’ve come this far
It’s unmistakable that you’re undeniable

 

By Grace, Through Faith September 24, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleyanncretella @ 4:12 pm

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins  in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body  and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.”   Ephesians 2:1-3

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”  Jeremiah 17:9.

This is how the Bible describes the condition of my heart at its natural state.  Aside from Jesus my heart is dead in tresspass.  It is decietful.  I cannot even understand the depth of its depravity.

I don’t like this.  I don’t like to think my natural tendencies are bent on destruction.  I’d like to think that I can do some good on my own and because of that God let’s me in on His plan and then I can be capable of doing more and better  good.  But that’s not what the Bible says, is it?

And there are moments, like this morning, I realize the ugly truth that I have to accept before I can get past it.

I was doing 3 fillings on a young girl patient.  Simple fillings, easy fillings.  But she would just not open her mouth, her face twisted as if she was in agony.  When I asked her if she was hurting she said no.  And as the appointment wrapped up I found myself wanting to just yank her mouth open. 

And that… that is me without Jesus.  That is my gut reaction when something doesn’t go exactly how I want it.  And at its core it is self-serving, mean, impatient,  and unkind.  I hate this.   I hate realizing this. 

So what is to be done?  Well– nothing.  I don’t have it in me to do it.  But if I keep reading in Ephesians…

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us,  even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—  and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,  so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.”

God has extended the gift of grace, salvation through faith.  Having grown up around church and in church I find I take this for granted.  I forget how much I need it.  I start to think I can do something good on my own.  Moments like today reveal my heart to me.   God allows me to see my depravity so I might not perish, but be given the opportunity to accept His gift.  Its more mercy than I can comprehend!

 

A moderately embarrassing confession… September 14, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleyanncretella @ 1:18 pm

“Hey little mama, uh-huh, that’s me!  So why don’tcha go to McDonalds with me.  I’m not vey nice and I don’t look good, so why don’tcha get outta my neighborhood.  I’m tired of your face all covered with zits.  This isn’t the place to talk about this!  Let’s go on home.  Let’s hit the streets.  Let’s grab a comb and brush our teeth!”   -Matt Hubbell

Circa 1995, while walking home from track practice with Kate Hubbell, my best friend in all the 5th grade world, that little ditty would be “rapped.”   I think our mom’s dropped us on our heads…

Oh, Kate Hubbell- whatever happened to you?

 

Humbled September 10, 2009

Filed under: lyrics — ashleyanncretella @ 4:43 pm

If I think about the lyrics of this song– if  I really think about  the implications of “Holy”– I’m undone…

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life “its” name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?