“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.” Ephesians 2:1-3
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” Jeremiah 17:9.
This is how the Bible describes the condition of my heart at its natural state. Aside from Jesus my heart is dead in tresspass. It is decietful. I cannot even understand the depth of its depravity.
I don’t like this. I don’t like to think my natural tendencies are bent on destruction. I’d like to think that I can do some good on my own and because of that God let’s me in on His plan and then I can be capable of doing more and better good. But that’s not what the Bible says, is it?
And there are moments, like this morning, I realize the ugly truth that I have to accept before I can get past it.
I was doing 3 fillings on a young girl patient. Simple fillings, easy fillings. But she would just not open her mouth, her face twisted as if she was in agony. When I asked her if she was hurting she said no. And as the appointment wrapped up I found myself wanting to just yank her mouth open.
And that… that is me without Jesus. That is my gut reaction when something doesn’t go exactly how I want it. And at its core it is self-serving, mean, impatient, and unkind. I hate this. I hate realizing this.
So what is to be done? Well– nothing. I don’t have it in me to do it. But if I keep reading in Ephesians…
“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.”
God has extended the gift of grace, salvation through faith. Having grown up around church and in church I find I take this for granted. I forget how much I need it. I start to think I can do something good on my own. Moments like today reveal my heart to me. God allows me to see my depravity so I might not perish, but be given the opportunity to accept His gift. Its more mercy than I can comprehend!
