I havent written in a long time. I guess my brain and emotions have been very scattered- everywhere. I realized I don’t like writing up here if I can’t make a point or tie things together nicely. Even the things that I say are messy are still never presented as hap-hazzard as they really are. So what has been going on the last few months? well:
I quit my old job. I got engaged. I got a new job. I moved in with my parents. I’m planning a wedding. I got another year older. I found grey hairs in my head. I haven’t been very good at running. I got a membership to the Pickens YMCA. I found a cake, photographer, and venue for the wedding. I found a dress. I cancelled my membership to the Pickens YMCA. I got my oil changed. I did my first bone graft. I started several books. I haven’t finished them yet. I laughed, I cried, I probably cried again (oh heck, throw crying in there like 50 times-its my favorite).
All the while me and God have been on iffy terms. Don’t mistake me on that one… Perfection + human = messy, I don’t think the “perfection” is the problem in the equation. I’ve been struggling to say the least. I mean- read my last post. Its kinda embarrassing. Everytime I reread that I just want to comment to myself “You’re full of s*&%.” Its just a classic example of how I approach God with my brain and not my heart.
I was thinking before I started writing this about which is more important in a relationship- brain/head knowledge or your heart- epecially our relationship with God. I mean He says the heart is above all decietful, but he also says He wants our hearts. He also says to transform your mind, to be renewed in this way. That He wants us to have deep, intimate knowledge about Him.
With medicine death can be defined in a couple ways… 1. cardiac arrest- the heart stops beating. The brain is usually still telling theheart to beat, but its only a matter of time before oxygen deprivation will cease to allow this to work . or 2. Lack of brain waves. We can have a machine to artificially beat our heart/pump blood, but without brainwaves- what kind of “life” do we have? It seems both are necessary for life to its fullest.
And I think the natural is a shadow of the supernatural. Our bodies need both a brain and a heart, the same way our spirits do. We need to approach God with our minds, but we also need love pumped through our bodies by our heart or things will fail. We will go into spritual arrest… and its only a matter of time until we give up. So this morning when we sang this song I understood it in a different way- because I’m struggling with this, but I’m struggling. I haven’t given up. I won’t.
Peel back our ribs again
and stand inside of our chest.
We just wanna’ love you
We just wanna’ love you
Peel back the veil of time
And let us see You with our naked eyes
We just wanna’ love you
We just wanna’ love you
We want your blood to flow inside our body
We want your wind inside our lungs
We just wanna’ love you
We just wanna’ love you
Skeleton bones stand at the sound of eternity
On the lips of the found
And gravestones roll
To the rhythm of the sound of you
Skeleton bones stand at the sound of eternity
On the lips of the found
So separate those doors
And let the son of resurrection in.
Oh let us adore the
Son of Glory drenched in love
Open up your gates before him
Crown Him, stand Him up
